Lately, as you may have noticed, I’ve been a bit reticent about writing anything of substance on this blog. (Graham, you’ve never written anything of substance on this blog. Sincerely yours, The World.) Mainly it’s through fear of saying something ridiculous, which these days isn’t so much a risk as a given, but now that my neglectful behaviour has shaken my readership down to about four people, I’ve realised that it doesn’t matter what I say anymore. This page gets fewer hits than Chris de Burgh these days, and doesn’t even have the halcyon era of Missing You to dine out on.
This post, of course, won’t break the ‘substance’ barrier either. I still have nothing to say. I could plug The Atheist’s Guide to Christmas, out on October 1st, but I’m guessing that anyone looking at this already knows about it. Probably more than I do, since I haven’t got round to reading it yet. But, just in case you don’t, it’s a compendium of 41 contributions written by intelligent and prominent atheists, and one fairly dull contribution written by a lanky dullard. The dextrous application of a craft knife on page 277, however, will remove the latter and turn a tainted tome into a perfect present. Order it now for the valuetastic price of £8.44 from a quaint little online retailer called Amazon.
In other news, I have been writing my Last Will and Testament. I have no particular reason to expect my life to conclude in the near future, but it’s one of those things you can keep putting off and then regret when you’re being clubbed to death by a well meaning but overly officious car park attendant. I can recommend it, it’s fun – deciding how much money to give people, which of your manky possessions to bestow upon bewildered new guardians, and stipulating non-religious funeral directions in bold upper case to avoid embarrassing choruses of How Great Thou Art as your cardboard coffin awaits interment. I’m not sure how specific you’re allowed to be, though. Would it be inappropriate, for example, to insist that everyone wears a clown wig?
“Look, I’m not wearing the fucking wig. End of story. He was only joking.”
“It’s his dying wish!”
“Do they make them in black?”
“No, it clearly states that fluorescent pink, orange or green are the only admissible colours.”
“Whatever. I’m only wearing mine for the shortest time possible.”
“So is this a bad time to mention the make-up?”
I’ve been pretty busy with other stuff too, but nothing that warrants a mention.
Incidentally, if you’re only reading this because you searched for Chris de Burgh, I’m sorry that you’ve been misguided. In both senses.
10 comments:
I wonder whether, like Tony Hancock in The Blood Donor", those of us who are still fathfully following this blog might be awarded a little badge, as a token of appreciation. A little motto, such as "Nunn But The Brave" might be appropriate. What do the other three think (assuming that they are still "tuning in"!).
hey, i still read every post... just never have anything interesting to contribute myself! So that leaves 2. Keep up the good work Graham. What's the gist of your contribution to the Xmas book?
barriejohn - a badge is a very good idea. I might just do that.
Andrew - hello, and thank you. I would suggest that you buy the book and find out for yourself!
I'm still reading, though I have to admit I don't check by every day any more, for obvious reasons!
Regardless, I would have expected a trail about the book here before amazon's automatic prompting. (Made a change from it promoting books diametrically opposed to books I've previously bought just because they've got similar words in the title).
Looking forward to the badge.
Great news, Graham! We can all wear them at the Cenotaph on Remembrance Sunday. I can just hear the commentary (in hushed tones, of course!): "And here they come now - the "Trash Radio" veterans. Not so many of them nowadays, of course. Some of them have a brave record which goes back as far as Creative Year days, and have seen service in other campaigns too!!"
I have this site on my live bookmarks, so I read every post and I comment when I can.
Sorry, I didn't intend this post to sound like a demand for everyone to stand up and be counted. I'm not quite that insecure yet. But thanks.
Hi, I'm still here too! Much as I dislike Chris de Burgh, you've prompted me to look him up on Wikipedia. Did you know that his daughter won 2003's Miss World contest? Although I don't really think she's all that.
You're going to get a message from Sarah Brown next, Graham!
Sorry if this comment is off-topic, Graham (though it's difficult at times to ascertain just what the "topic" of any of your posts really is these days!), but if you were wondering what has happened to our old "friend" Rev. Geo. Hargreaves just take a look at this story: http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/politics/holy-war-in-the-islands-as-religious-rivals-refuse-to-turn-the-other-cheek-over-christian-mp-1.923857
Apparently, he has now transmogrified into "Mr Ferry Angry" - leader of the SCOTTISH Christian Party! Some of the details are almost unbelievable. As George Peppard might have said in 'The A Team': "I do love it when a plan falls apart!!"
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