Lovers in a Car Park

I found this rather beautiful image a while ago and thought it would make a nice painting, so I emailed the photographer to ask for her permission to use it. She didn't reply, so I used it anyway and produced the worst watercolour imaginable. I was sad, but moved on.

Then, about four months later, she replied and said it would be fine for me to use it as long as I sent her a copy of my finished effort. Not wanting her to think I was the worst artist in the world - because I still care about the opinions of people who take four months to respond to an email - I decided to have another go, this time as a digital painting. My tendency to realism is irritating to me, but I'm nonetheless pleased with the result.

I haven't sent it to the photographer yet, but may do so in May. She called the original photograph 'Lovers in Japan', but having discovered that this is the title of a song by the inept beat combo Coldplay, I have renamed it 'Lovers in a Car Park'.

"So why don't you just go?"

Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

MWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAA

Let The Right One In

After bashing poor old David Hockney I must redress the balance by being positive about something.

I wouldn't normally bother commenting on a film that's almost three years old, but on Sunday I saw Let The Right One In for the first time and I thought it was remarkable. It defies categorisation more than any other film I can think of - to call it a horror film or a vampire film would be to sell it desperately short. Every cliché in the book is avoided and the result is startling.

I'm not going to review it though. All I really want to acknowledge is the brilliance of the swimming pool scene at the end; it's possibly the greatest thing I've ever seen in a film. You can find it on YouTube but if you haven't seen the film I'd advise against watching it out of context. Just rent it. What happens is horrifically brutal and yet it's shot in such a way as to be beautiful and touching. Talent borrows, genius steals.

David Hockney, Britain's greatest living artist

This week's Radio Times cover enthuses something along the lines of 'Exclusive free postcards from Britain's greatest living artist David Hockney'. The four postcards are of the same scene in each of the seasons, all drawn by his finger on an iPad.

I have no right to criticise David Hockney, but they're just completely shit. If your ten year old had produced them you'd smile politely and delete them when they weren't looking. I'm not a fan of his style but I wouldn't ravage his proper work - I just don't understand why, after becoming successful at something, you should be not only allowed to get away with producing shit, but celebrated for it. Here are some different examples of his iPad artwork. It's absolute balls. Would it be acceptable for him to create a portrait by dipping his finger in acrylic and wiping it across a canvas? It shouldn't be. It's lazy. He slates Damien Hirst - quite fairly - for getting others to produce his work, but spending twenty minutes waving his cock over a capacitive screen is hardly leading by example.

I'll leave you with a painting I did on my phone (with my finger). Sensible offers in the comments please.

Back again

I've returned to Blogger because, for my not so broadband, it's a lot quicker. I also disliked my design for the WordPress blog and found that decamping was more appealing than trying to rehash it.

My desire now is to do something worth blogging about.

Cooksmart

There's a kitchen textiles company called Cooksmart. I have some of their tea towels. On several occasions I've noticed their logo on the tag and found it a bit odd. It looks like this:

Why, I kept wondering, have they used the chef's hat to represent the letter A when it clearly looks more like the M? Was it a strange oversight or a deliberate ploy to bait sad losers like me into blogging about them? It seemed so obvious that they'd got it wrong. In my head, I had already composed a slightly haughty email.

But first, to satisfy my hunch, I adjusted the logo to how I thought it should look.

And immediately I saw why they hadn't done it this way. Now it looks like Cooks' Art. The hat doesn't look like an M at all! They were right all along. In my head I composed another email to apologise for the previous email even though I'd never written it, let alone sent it.

I'm sorry for doubting you Cooksmart. I may still email you about putting the hanging loop in the corner rather that the side though. That annoys me.

The moral? Don't be a smart arse.

For the purposes of procreation only